Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
