addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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