Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
