i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Is it penis luge time yet?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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