New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
