May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
