What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
