Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
