Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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