You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
