the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
