I will die if light touches me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
