i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
