No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
