so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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