I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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