Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
