Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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