Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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