I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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