I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
