we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
