That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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