I'm jealous of your bromance
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
