so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
