regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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