im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
