I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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