I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
