I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
