Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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