Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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