There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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