She said her name was "party"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Drunk is a universal language darling
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