in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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