You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My feet surprised me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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