"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
