Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
