I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
