So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
