please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
