i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
