No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
