it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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