My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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