I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
