I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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