I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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