Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
