i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
