oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Who died my cat blue again?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
