WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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