Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I know her cup size but not her name....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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