The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
