I just cut my nipple shaving
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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