in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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