I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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