Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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