I'm sorry my penis didn't work
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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