yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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