am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Be still, my beating vagina.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
