he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
