I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
