All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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