In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
