I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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