The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
