this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
