i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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