would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
