I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
