i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
