i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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