just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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