Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
