Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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