Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
