I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
